Alcoholism – The role of resentment

It is often said “resentment is the number one offender of alcoholics”. What exactly does that mean? How does one live life without ever feeling resentful toward some person, place or thing at some point? How can one guard themselves against feeling resentful?

As if things were not tough enough, Columbia South Carolina is certainly a grand place to find a few resentments lying around. After all, South Carolina is often thought of as firing the first shots of the civil war. Catching a resentment during the day can sometimes be like going out and catching a cold.

So how does an addict or alcoholic deal with resentment vs. recovery? The first thing to realize is no human being has any power or control over any people, places or things. We (alcoholics and addicts) can not change or control the behavior of this world. This alone is an enormous step toward anyone’s sobriety and recovery.

When I began my personal drinking at a young age, I was resentful toward smarter people, richer people, funnier people… better looking people. As the years passed, my resentment list only grew.

At the very end, my resentment list morphed into Armageddon with hostile feelings toward the one person that was supposed to be my best friend, my spouse. I was told by caring people, that if I did not want to die drunk, I had better do something with my resentment.

Naturally I asked “what can I do”? I was told of a “tool” to use called the “Resentment Prayer”. I rebelled by saying “I did not believe in prayer”, “that I did not believe in God”, anything to continue my ways. I was told my choices were simple, to pray or die.

The resentment prayer states the affected person is to pray for the person one is resentful at, to have all the things in life that the resentful person wants for themselves”. Say what? How was I to do that? I was very hurt toward my spouse, her demise seemed more appropriate.

So I asked, “How can I do this”? I was told, “pray to be taught to pray”. Not liking my chances, I could think of no argument to keep from trying. That night I silently said, “God please help me do this” and that was as far as I got.

Each night the sentence grew a few more words. Within a few weeks, I began to focus on other life issues and my spouse began to have less importance. I never drank again.