INTRODUCTION
Before I say another word, I want to thank you with all my heart for taking the time to hold these words of my story in your hands. Not only do I hope you will read and enjoy this story but I truly hope you can obtain some very important information in regards to alcohol and alcoholism through my personal experiences as this is my utmost desire. I realize your time is very valuable and you have countless ways of spending your spare time. It is indeed an honor that you would spend a few hours here with me. You could never know my deep and eternal gratitude.
I pledge to you that every word of this story is accurate and true. Yes… I am quite guilty of wanting this story to be interesting enough that you would spend your time reading it but I think the events and experiences of my life serve that need without any side dressing. I assure you I have spent countless hours reading, re-reading and re-writing to try and make the flow of the reading of this document entertaining but I have done so without affecting the truth of what I say herein. As of the date of the writing of this introduction, I have now spent ten years writing this document and most of that time has been spent in just trying to make the “telling” a fun read trying to connect the sentences into a smooth and polished “flow”. I am guilty of having performed exceedingly bad in both English and Grammar all throughout my educational years but I have never been guilty of lying and I want begin here.
This document or manuscript was created for two (2) reasons.
1. My life has truly been separated into both a before and an after as of July 5th 2001. My two children grew up seeing a successful daddy who enjoyed a very rewarding life and career. We (my family) were all very happy, had plenty of money and pretty much did what ever we wanted to do. We were happy. For twenty three (23) months, from August the 2nd 1999 through July 5th 2001, my two children witnessed their father literally throwing his entire life, career, family….. everything including his health away just to sit down and drink beer. This is what they saw… Only God knows what they thought and more importantly, felt. The number one purpose I decided to write this book is that some day….. perhaps after my death, my children will have these words so they can know that what happened for 23 months was beyond my control and was actions that I truly could not stop nor prevent in any way. I have often said, the whole episode was like me being in a glass box, watching all the destruction but completely helpless to reach out and stop any of it. In a sense, I watched in horror myself, just like my children did. I had truly become powerless over alcohol.
2. The second reason I have documented my experiences after surviving July 5th 2001 and learning the unique value of “shared experiences” through Alcoholics Anonymous, is that I have learned the true value of the alcoholic experience. Through the years of my recovery I have been able to look back and make sense of every day of my life being able to see the tangled web of the alcoholic destruction woven into my life. Only after true sobriety and living sober have I been able to realize “WHY” I was an alcoholic with that very first can of beer on a spring night in May of 1970 as a fifteen year old boy. I’ve learned what that first drink did for my tortured mind. It is my deepest and most sincere hope that if I am able to gain knowledge of alcoholism, then hopefully by documenting my experiences, others that “think” like I do might also benefit from my experiences. I was unable to see any of these “cause and affect” emotions each day of the thirty one (31) years I drank alcohol. After learning to live sober by the grace of the God of my understanding and the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous, I am now able to see all the pieces of this puzzle with great clarity. If you are like me, then perhaps the following experiences of a young farm boy will help you in unlocking the painful mysteries of chronic and acute alcoholism. An example of what I am trying to describe may help clarify my meaning: My entire life, no matter what the activity, event or circumstances I have always felt “alone”. After attending tens of thousands of AA meetings and being completely spiritually and physically sober, I now know this “feeling” of loneliness is a common alcoholic tendency. I also know “loneliness” is a cornerstone of my personality. So how did I come by this “feeling”? I have learned that when a parent of young children passes away, the actions of the surviving parent immediately after the announcement of the death can have a great impact on this loneliness emotion for a young child. The example I am describing is discussed in detail at the appropriate location of the following story but in short, if a child is overlooked at this critical time after a parent’s death, they will feel alone for the rest of their life. (This fact comes from a book entitled “The Loss That is Forever: The Lifelong Impact of the Early Death of a Mother or Father” by Maxine Harris”; Penguin Group (USA); September 1996).
If you have decided to continue reading, then again I sincerely thank you. God bless us both in our journey and let’s take it….. “One day at a time”.
